KABOLAS HATORAH
Avos 1.6 עשה לך רב...ר' יונה - אפילו אתה יודע כמותו...
“Make for yourself a Rav” means to accept him as your guide even if you assess that he is no greater than you, accept his guidance, leadership and authority. Not as a second opinion when you have no opinion or preference on the matter, and not just when you are unsure. But even when you know as much as he.
Avos 4.8 – ואל תאמר קבלו דעתי, שהן רשאים ולא אתה אל תהי דן יחידי...
Even one who is worthy enough to judge alone, still involve others in the judgement. And although you may be the wisest and did not even need their opinions, and you are sure of your own knowledge enough to tell them to accept your view, DON’T. Because they are right and you are wrong!
Sanhedrin 21b א''ר יצחק מפני מה לא נתגלו טעמי התורה, ונכשל בהן גדול עולם.... אני ארבה ולא אסור
Shlomoh was the wisest of all men. He was not mistaken in his own assessment that no one could sway his heart. He was the best at understanding and assessing anything in world!
Shabbos 12b שמא יטה... אמר ר' ישמעאל בן אלישע, אני אקרא ולא אטה...כמה גדולים דברי חכמים
R’ Yishmael ben Elisha was absolutely sure that Chazal’s concern did not apply to him. He wasn’t wrong about himself.
Both Shlomoh Hamelech and R’ Yishmael were wrong about the concept of accepting a matter that they knew to be wrong.
נעשה ונשמע means to accept and do even before any reason could make it sensible. That is the signature middah of Kabolas HaTorah.
When the Jews readily accepted Malchus Hashem, Hashem said only when they accept His Chukim, will He accept them as His nation to be their King.
Bittul Hada’as and Emunas Chachamim is not difficult for unlearned people who recognize their own ignorance and lack of wisdom or expertise. It is also easy to have blind trust in someone who seems to have expertise in an area that we know we have no knowledge of. Like a specialist in medicine or a Kabbalist. It is only a smart, wise, educated, experienced person who is challenged with this. Self-confident people who have what to show in terms of their achievements in life, struggle with relying upon others for anything, as they can’t trust anyone else to succeed as much as they trust themselves. All the more so, to have bittul hada’as, ignoring their own opinion on a matter, in reverence to a chacham or their Rav is excruciatingly difficult.
Perhaps this is why this trait goes along with הוי דן את כל האדם לכף זכות
How can this very crucial and valuable trait be developed in those who have their own sense of confidence in their own wisdom and abilities?
We find that R’ Yerucham actually actively worked on this, knowing his own greatness, he understood that exercise in this middah was necessary, especially for someone like himself. He would purposefully look for opportunities to ask advice (I assume on minor matters) from young talmidim who were not the greatest, and he would subject himself to follow their guidance regardless of his own clarity on the matter!
A Rav is not for convenience when you want a free extra opinion, and not for reassurance to prove yourself right or in support of your own opinions. It is to be mekabel his hadrachah regardless. And not just for reserved 1 in 100 times when you feel you need hadracha. He is to be sought after and asked even in matters that seem to be quite clear. That is part of this mitzvah of עשה לך רב . LOOK for opportunities to ask! Don’t evade avoid or shy away from them! They are the keys to growth and greatness!
R’ Wolbe took upon himself a new Rav – R’ Yonasan David, that was 20 years his junior! He sat in front of him like a young student in class by his rebbi’s desk.
R’ Brudny told me that R’ Don Segal is his Rebbi, and he calls him and is comfortable enough to sak him EVERYTHING.
Even without the specific mitzvah of עשה לך רב , the middah itself of Bittul Hada’as or self-doubt, considering the possibility שהן רשאים ולא אתה even when it seems clear to yourself otherwise, is also a crucial trait for marriage as well. A spectacular masmid and bal middos with yichus as well, was once suggested as a shidduch to a person close to R’ Elashiv. R’ Elyashiv commented that as great as the young man was, he never learned mussar and will never be able to fault or accept blame upon himself, and this, he said is extremely important for a good marriage.
The Chofetz Chaim exemplified this, when upon building his sukkah in same place he had done for decades before, the first time of his second marriage, his new wife suggested that it be taken down and built in another place that she felt worked better. The Chofetz Chaim obliged without comment, even while knowing otherwise. [She ended up saying the new location was not good, thereupon the Chofetz Chaim took it down and rebuilt it again in its original place.]
The ability to doubt oneself is crucial for relationships and for authentic truthful growth.